39 weeks.

I have to say that this entire week has been interesting. There's been a bunch of drama & negativity going on at home, but I'm getting over that. In addition, my pregnancy discomforts increase every single day, so I couldn't help feeling completely stressed & distraught these past couple of days. But today definitely changes everything.

I saw my OBGYN @ 1pm today. First she checked me so see how much I've dilated. I'm 1-2cm (she said almost 2cm) dilated!!! That's good progress. He's also very low now, and I definitely feel that. So after that, I was telling her about the symptoms I've been having this past week. First of all, my mucus plug came out last week so I've definitely been feeling a lot more pressure "down there." Then my feet & hands have gotten really swollen (soooooooo swollen!), and I told her that they even hurt. She was like, "Really..." Then I explained to her that I've also been getting headaches this week, but they go away during the day..they only come in the morning and before I go to bed. It's been really difficult to sleep; I can no longer TRY to sleep on my right side because it just hurts, and both my leg and arm on my right side go numb (not to mention my nerve being pinched on my right leg so it's just always cramped). Along with that, I've dramatically gained a lot of weight (for the past 3 weeks) out of no where, and none of my eating habits have changed since I was first pregnant, so that was shocking too. I mean, I knew the baby's been putting on more weight now that he's getting bigger, but I've gained A LOT A LOT. She told me what I was afraid I'd hear: that I'm experiencing symptoms of preeclampsia.

You can read about preeclampsia here.

My blood pressure was high today, and it's never been high throughout my pregnancy :( I've been reading about preeclampsia all week before I even saw my doctor. I told her that when I first realized my symptoms, I really wanted to call her to see if something was really wrong with me or not, but I felt like I didn't wanna waste her time because I felt like I was overreacting. Turns out I really wasn't! I was really worried about the pain I've been been experiencing, but I'm glad that I saw my doctor sooner than later. She said, "There's really no other cure for it besides to deliver...so we're going to have to call the hospital to see their availability." She had me place a urine sample to check for protein (preeclampsia is hypertension during pregnancy associated with protein in the urine). I also had to get some blood drawn to check for other things. Lastly, she called Little Company of Mary & I have my induction appointment set at 6pm tomorrow. That means my baby boy is coming in the next couple days! I have my finger on Saturday :) So by tomorrow afternoon, I'll have every single thing that I need all prepared in my bags so we'll be ready to be admitted to the hospital. I told Mark, "Aw, you won't be able to experience the REAL way people experience labor..like by freaking out at home & rushing to the hospital! We actually have an APPOINTMENT." lol. I'm just really hoping everything will turn out just as it should tomorrow night, and that I have a safe delivery whenever he decides to finally pop out. I know the waiting and all the pain is seriously gonna test my patience, but it will all be worth it :) I'm prepared. BRING IT ON BABY BOY!

Aw man, I'm really gonna miss being pregnant. I've been wanting to film a video before I deliver. We'll see if I have the time or energy to do so. I wanted to show you my yucky feet and hands, but it's really embarrassing lol. But really, it's been such a crazy roller coaster, these past 9 months (although I wasn't aware of the first 2). I'm gonna miss feeling his kicks. I'm gonna miss taking pictures of my belly every week. I'm gonna miss feeling so excited to see the ultrasounds & hearing his heartbeat. Just remembering how excited I was planning the baby showers & picking out the invitations...also picking out what crib I wanted, the bedding, setting up our room. Oh man, how time flies. Sigh. But now that all this pain has kicked in, I'm relieved this will all be over soon. It's been such an experience :) I'm really grateful to have had the support of my family, Mark's family, and all our good friends throughout this entire time and ongoing for the future. Dylan is my biggest blessing, and I'm glad to have been able to share every happy and sad moment of my pregnancy through my blogs with you guys.

Please pray for us & wish us lots of luck! We are so excited, but at the same time I'm very scared & nervous. I can't wait to introduce Dylan to the world; I will keep you all posted (Facebook & Twitter statuses will definitely be updated hahaha). Well technically my doctor says I'm on bed rest so I have to get myself to the shower & back to resting asap. Goodnight!!

Being a mom.

When Dylan is here, I, for one, know that I will never, ever abandon him. He's my son, he'll always be a part of me. Whenever he'll be in need, I will always be there for him. When he's sick, when he first walks, when he first starts school, when he has his first basketball game, when he first dates a girl, when he goes to prom, when he graduates high school, when he goes to college, when he's successful. He'll always have mine & Mark's support. He will realize that he can always count on me because I could never give up on my kid. Being a parent means being responsible, and I could never fail that role.

Basically, I would never allow him to live life without a mother; he'll never go through what I had to go through.

38 weeks, 1 day.

I'm so freaking bored. Like I said, I'm just completely fixated on when the heck this baby is gonna pop out.

Today I woke up and my right hand was completely numb. It happened yesterday morning, but once I lifted my arm up, the blood shot back down & it went away. But this morning, I lifted up my arm again, and it wasn't going away whatsoever. I started freaking out and complaining to Mark how I felt no sensation whatsoever in my hand! He just said, "It's normal. Just keep your arm up & move your fingers a little bit. Let the blood flow." And I was trying & trying & waiting..nothing was happening. I was seriously freaking out. I thought something was really wrong with me. After 5 minutes of having my arm up, the numbness started wearing off. What the heck dude. My hands got really swollen yesterday, and now they look like gloves when you blow air in the them. It's horrifying. And it's painful. Sigh. I can't wait for all this swelling to go away.

This afternoon I needed to stop by the bank, and as Mark & I were leaving, I attempted to put my Rainbow sandals on (I've been wearing them lately even though they pinch my foot so hard that it cuts off my blood flow & leaves my foot feeling painful even when I'm not wearing them). I tried on every pair of shoe/sandals & I can't fit any of them :( ANYYYYYYYY! It was really frustrating. I had no choice but wear my Rainbows halfway; I looked ridiculous. I wish I took a picture; the top of my feet are so fat it just pops out when I wear the sandals lol. It's so gross, ugh, and extremely painful. I wanted to go look for a pair of sandals somewhere, but I'm really paranoid abouy being away from home so I didn't even bother. I'll try tomorrow, maybe. I need something comfortable for the hospital.

As for contractions, I haven't been feeling much of them lately. They were a lot worse a few months ago. When I sit for too long, I tend to feel a lot of pain, but not lately. I haven't had back pain in a while (that's a GREAT thing). But being the desperate, anxious person that I am, I just can't WAIT until I feel those painful contractions coming along. Or I'm just sitting here waiting for my water to just break. I'm so impatient -_-

Anyways, I finally ordered my new camera! :D I bought the Canon EOS Rebel XS DSLR as I planned. I can't wait to receive it in the mail. I'd be lucky to get it before Dylan arrives, but I really don't mind if it doesn't since I still have my other camera which I plan to use to take lots of videos. I can't wait to play with it. My next goal is to get the EF 50mm f/1.8 II lens because it's really good for portraits. I'm glad I finally got to order it especially since my mother has been driving me all kinds of insane this month. Really, really insane. Like everyone says (even random people we meet), I talk and appear like I'm the mother and she's the daughter.

Finally...it's over...somewhat.

Today was Mark's big day. I feel so relieved; I mean there's still a huge amount of pressure on my shoulders, but not as much as I felt a week ago. I'm very thankful; I know someone is up there watching over us. I just feel so grateful especially because Dylan will be here any day now. I'm very pleased with what the results. Thanks again to everyone who have supported us & gave us tons of hope for a better future. We appreciate it everything.

So on Monday, Mark's car almost died on the street during the day. He realized that the battery light indicator was on, and I was thinking his battery was dying. He was planning to stop by the bank real quick then he realized that his car was dying on him. He calls me to go pick him up at the shop he usually takes his car to, and we find out later that it was his alternator. There goes almost $500. So Mark decides I wanna go to Palm Springs and play black jack. So he & AJ went to Palm Springs to gamble at the Spotlight 29 Casino, and on their way home (around 3am), Mark was driving over 100 mph until they reached around the Downey area (which is 20 miles away from home) & realized that something was wrong with his tire. They exited & stopped at a gas station to realize that the rear left tire was flat. Awesome. He was driving 100mph on a flat freaking tire. So he tells me (and this is now at 5am) that he was driving home going 25-30mph on the side streets. He got home after 5am, and about after half an hour, his tire POPPED. Like EXPLODED. I was too exhausted to even care what was going on at the moment. I woke up around 11am and took a look at it outside. That tire was dunzo. Pieces were all over the ground and even on top of the rest of the cars. Ridiculous. Then today, AAA came and towed his car away, and Mark had an extra tire (not a spare, but a real extra) to replace it with, only to find out that they couldn't replace it because his rim had cracked. Freaking WONDERFUL. So now my mom wants to buy Mark a new rim; Mark and his mom are trying to find a used rim, but my mom wants Mark to get a new one. "I don't like used," she says. So she's buying Mark a new rim, and now I'm forced to wait for my camera. "End of the month," my mom says.

I hate playing this whole waiting game...before this week I didn't even think about "when am I going into labor?" but now I'm clearly obsessing over it. I already put all my bags & everything else I need in my car. Mark only got 3 hours of sleep last night so I didn't force him to install the car seat today. But seriously, all I can concentrate on now is, Will he be here tomorrow? Am I going to feel the pain soon? Am I going to feel the pain out of no where? Will my water break or not? Yeah. I'm getting impatient now. I'm just so desperate to meet my baby boy.

Changes.

Wow, my body's been going through a lot these past couple of days.

Saturday was Ashley's baby shower :) The 4th baby shower I've been to so far this year lol. It was fun playing games; too bad Mark & I sucked real bad at it. And the food was BOMB!!! We ended up going home a little early since I have a hard time sitting for long + he planned to play some bball at the park. Congratulations to Ashley on their upcoming baby girl (2nd baby)! She's due a week & a half later than me, but she's already ahead of the game (symptoms-wise). And we're having our babies at the same hospital (AND we have the same OBGYN lol). GOOD LUCK ASHLEY! Keep your head up; I know the pain is irresistible but you've done it before, you can do it again! :D Later that night, Jeanillie & Joe decided to stop by & we all went for a Sonic's run. Good stuff. I love me some of that lemon berry slushie. We took home 3 :P We always do. But it was good spending time with our fave couple haha. I had to bear through painful contractions on our way there and on the way back home, it was ridiculous. But I survived. Food always makes me feel better :D

Sunday was Mother's Day. I hope all you mommas got what you deserve! Hope your baby daddies treated you extra special :) We were planning to go out to eat with my mom (Mark's mom had to work), but we ended up staying home (because I was too lazy to get ready) & my mom cooked some delicious rib-eye steak with her special mashed potatoes, gravy, and brussel sprouts. It was DEEEELISH! So that was how we celebrated :) Stuffing ourselves with food.

Yesterday I woke up with a charley horse cramp. THOSE REALLY SUCK. I was screaming so loud in pain that Mark thought I was actually in labor. He woke up & was like "WHAT HAPPENED?!?!?! WHAT'S WRONG?!?!?" I was yelling, "MY LEG BABE MY LEG AHHHH!!!" But thank God he was able to help me stretch it out right away because I'm usually chicken to do it; I usually just lie there in pain. But this time it went away right away. But my entire leg has been cramped up/sore ever since & still hasn't gone away. I had a really hard time sleeping last night because of my stupid leg. My weekly appointment was scheduled for this Thursday, but the receptionist called me yesterday afternoon asking if I could come in at 3:30pm because the doctor had something come up for Thursday. So Mark took me to see her. My uterus measured at 39 cm!! 6 days before that I was 36 cm!! It's crazy how fast he's growing now. He's been moving often during the past 24 hours. He's ready to get out of here & meet all the people who have been awaiting his arrival :) His heartbeat was perfect and strong, and my doctor asked if I was experiencing any extreme contractions. I told her that I really don't get that many; it's very irregular & not too often. She then said, "Hopefully you start feeling more symptoms and contractions this week!" AHHHHH! I'm freaking out. It's getting so much closer...2 weeks 'til my due date! Then last night, ironically, my mucus plug came out! I was like ew...., but I knew that this was a good sign! Meaning I'm starting to dilate so that he'll be coming any day / week now. So I gotta let my doctor know about that at my next appointment next Tuesday.

I'm so excited. I don't trust going out anywhere, really, but if I have to step out for something real quick, I will. I don't wanna drive though so Mark's staying home most of the time to be there for me. There is this one cupcakery in Long Beach that I would probably leave the house for...just because I have been craving cupcakes/ice cream cupcakes for a couple of days now. There's one here close by my house called BabyCakes, but for some reason I don't trust it. Oh well. But it's really bugging me that I can't satisfy my sweet tooth. I don't trust myself driving anymore. I already have my bags packed & I plan on leaving them in my car from now on (anything can happen). And lastly, we have to install the car seat. We were supposed to do it today, but Mark was lazy haha. Tomorrow it is.

Speaking of tomorrow, it's Mark's big D-Day. He spoke to his lawyer today, and we heard better news than I ever expected (really). It seriously made my day; I feel so relieved..and happy! I mean, things the whole situation still changed our life drastically & not in the greatest way at all, but things could've gone worse (and I was expecting the worst). But after all the times I've felt so stressed & depressed over the whole situation, the support & prayers that everyone has offered for us really have helped! And I'm FOREVER grateful & thankful to everyone. Really. But I'll confirm all this tomorrow, but I'm pretty sure it'll go the way the lawyer explained today. Sigh..things are going to come together they way they should, I KNOW IT. Mark deserves it. Dylan deserves it.

Btw, we're probably (and most likely) changing Dylan's middle name since I've always been contemplating on "Mackenzie." I keep telling Mark that I will most likely change it, and he doesn't really mind now. It's still going to start with an "M" though. DMAC will not change! :P At least his initials will still spell it out (coincidentally). We'll let you guys know soon..or maybe when he's finally born :)

Alright well g'night people. I'm pretty exhausted & I'm contemplating on what to eat for dessert...

37 weeks.

I am swelling up.

My feet are killing me. I hate looking at them. They're so fat and ugly. Yesterday, I drove my mom around because she had some errands to run; then later on that night I tried to put my sandals back on (to go outside and throw the trash out) and they won't FIT! I was like what the... GAH! I woke up today, and I had to go to the bank/post office real quick, and it turns out my other sandals won't fit either. sigh. And earlier this week, I wore my boots to the mall & my feet were suffocating in them. Crazy how fast my feet swell up. In a matter of a few hours. When I went to see my OBGYN on Tuesday, she walked in and said, "Oh my gosh, you're swelling up!" Now I feel ridiculously humungo.

This past week have brought on a lot of changes. It's getting harder to sleep. I tend to sleep on my left side more because I want to avoid my right, but it's so hard sleeping on one side throughout the entire night. My legs are cramping up, especially my right (which kinda never goes away actually) so it bothers me a lot when I try to sleep. Dylan still moves in my belly but not as much as he used to. He's getting too big. The Braxton Hicks contractions hit me hard, and I definitely feel more pressure in my pelvic area. Last Sunday when I went pee, I noticed this mucus-like stuff (gross, I know..it looked like snot), and I told my doctor about it on Tuesday. She said it's my mucus plug shedding little by little. I still can't believe how much closer it's getting to Dylan's birthday. I have everything I need now, I think. I got his crib mattress delivered two days ago & I set up the crib bedding again since I got everything back from my parents last Sunday (we had lunch in Westwood at Shamshiri; we LOVEEEEEE Persian food & I told them I was craving it). We also have the swing now & our other carseat. I'm just gonna wait a lil while to get my breastpump, possibly a couple weeks after I get Dylan used to it so I know for sure that we'll need it.

I took a breastfeeding class on Tuesday night. Mark went with me. We ended up being the only people there, haha, so it felt like a private class. We learned a lot--a lot of it I already knew about since I read/researched online, but I know Mark didn't know most of it so it was good for him to be around. We watched a video, and learned all the do's and don't's. It lasted an hour & a half long, wasn't so bad. We got to play with fake babies in our arms, and I was having a hard time holding mine because my belly's so huge. The only part that was bugging me was 1) I wasn't at the Jimmy Kimmel Live recording with Lia, Michelle, & JP (Zachary Quinto aka Sylar was on & I love him) and 2) Sitting for an hour and a half is really complicated for me. (It hurts under my belly so I try to stand or walk around for a lil bit). Anyways, glad we got that over with.

Tomorrow my mother & I have to shop for Mother's Day presents. Not for us, but for Mark's mom and aunt (who we consider Mark's 2nd mom). I hope I can survive walking around the mall; I've been feeling extremely exhausted this week. And then after we find them something, maybe we can shop for ourselves (: I've been buying tops that I find extremely cute so I can wear them AFTER Dylan's out lol. I never know if they'll be back in store or not, so might as well right? Gosh, trying things on in the fitting room is really devastating. I can't wait to breastfeed & shed off all these pounds. I wanna be back where I was before I found out I was preggo, and lose MORE!

Oh, I finally bought myself a curling iron. It's the Hot Tools Tourmaline 1" curling iron (in black/purple) IT'S AMAZING!!! I never could curl my hair correctly because all the curling irons that I've used in the past wouldn't work well with my super thick hair. This thing does wonders. I was inspired by my cousin Kimmie who did my hair for my baby shower in Palmdale, except she used my flat iron. I tried doing it her way, but it wouldn't work for me so I said, F it, I'll just get a curling iron. Fun stuff. Keeps me busy.

Well, time for some dinner then end my night with some reading (I'm on Breaking Dawn now). G'night!

I'm always indecisive..

My mom promised me a new camera for my birthday, but she said I wouldn't be able to get one 'til May. Well, it's May now! Since I know that once Dylan pops out of my body, I'm going to end up taking 30298570298375976 pictures of him. At first, I didn't want to get D-SLR camera because they're heavy & Mark's current digital camera is bulky that it makes my purses weigh a ton. I was planning on getting a regular point & shoot compact camera. But then I thought it over, and I would love to have tons of cute pictures of the baby, and I'll be traveling around with a stroller anyway; I won't be forced to carry things. I read reviews on the Canon EOS Rebel XS-- read about the different features, and I looked online at example pictures. They come out prettyyyy nice. It seems like the perfect camera for beginners; lots of owners seem very pleased & satisfied. And lastly, it's kinda in the price range that I'd tolerate. I don't see the point in spending so much more for a more professional camera when I'm not a pro. So I think I'm going to get my hands on one of these before our baby arrives. I'll just have to stick with our current camera for videos.

And one of these days, I'm going to own this bag. Once you buy a L.A.M.B. bag, you just never stop. Since 2003! (:



K, enough of what crap I wanna buy for myself. I have to decide on which mattress to purchase for Dylan's crib. G'night!


PS: I really hate Medi-Cal. They NEVER cover my prescriptions. UGH.