No one really understands how tough life is at home for us right now. It's not like I ever wanted anyone's pity or sympathy. I just feel so down, and I have no one to vent it to but to my boyfriend or by typing my damn thoughts in my blog. I mean, I can talk about it to people, but it's hard to relate my story with anyone else. And certain people we can't even talk to it about because it's really something you wouldn't wanna know. Mark & I try so hard to distract ourselves from what's really happening. We laugh. We watch movies on TV. We talk about random things. We eat fast food (because we don't eat out at restaurants anymore, heh). He studies for his quizzes and tests. But in reality, life is just an uphill battle. And ironically none of this has to deal with Dylan. We already know we're going to be amazing parents to him, and he will grow up living a good life. It's just that all the shit that's been happening recently have been pulling us down, emotionally & mentally. We had a meeting with a lawyer yesterday. He was pretty much giving us no hope, trying to scare the living crap out of us. I was so angry at the way he talked to Mark that my brain started to boil. I wanted to give him a piece of my mind. This morning Mark & his mom went to see another one in Santa Monica. I heard that one was even worse. Good I didn't go or else I would've cracked. And I hate seeing my boyfriend feel so low about life. He feels that sometimes he wishes he were dead; he just doesn't understand why someone would do this to him. And he's really down on the fact that no one tries to understand him--not just the lawyers but 'friends' or people in general. And no one really knows how he feels except me since I'm the one who sees him everyday & hears him vent. And when I see him this stressed out, I just wanna break down. You can't do much but feel so helpless at times like these. I seriously envy people who have nothing to worry about, nothing like this happening to them. We didn't expect this. We were just distracted with getting school over with & finally starting a career in the next year or so. I gotta admit, we were living so comfortably, but it's not like we threw ourselves out there buying all the expensive things in the world that we wanted or showing off how great life is. Only things we did were stay home, go out to eat without having to worry about the bill, go out to the movies without caring that it costs $21 a ticket, take a short vacation when we felt like it was a good weekend to relax. The one thing Mark ever prized himself with was his new car. He deserved it after all the hard work he put into this family. Then when I found out I was pregnant, we even cut our spending just to save enough for Dylan & to possibly buy an SUV in the future so we would have a decent family car (we wanted the BMW X5). Everything else went to important things like credit card bills, rent, school tuitions, car insurances, car lease payment, groceries. And all that stuff is not cheap. And what hurts the most is that I saw how much Mark helped others. I just really don't get it, why something like this could happen to my boyfriend. I can't get over it, and it's all still a huge shock to me. Seeing Mark study those long hours during the week is just so hard sometimes because I don't even know how he does it. If I was in his shoes, I wouldn't be able to concentrate on a damn thing. I hate this feeling inside...worried & stressed about how next month's decision is going to affect our lives. Mark's mom keeps telling him to keep praying & meditating, but we know that sitting on our asses constantly praying isn't going to get us anywhere (I know, because my dad used to bust that crap on me all the time: "Anak, you need to pray & do some soul searching.") I remind Mark everyday that everything will be okay; something will work out. I just wanted my boyfriend to get what he deserves: the future he wanted, the career he wanted, his dreams, goals. It's just heartbreaking. I feel like I'm so useless because I can't do anything else but give him encouraging words. Gosh, I really can't wait until Dylan's here. He's definitely going to change our life (in a good way, that is); he's our reason for living & the motivation that'll push us far. It's just so hard...so hard.
ANYWAYS.
Last night, Mark's mom's good ol' 'friend' Tom gave everyone in the house a massage. Man, my back is so sore right now, but that massage was pretty damn good. Earlier yesterday, Mark's mom was receiving a massage downstairs & she was in so much pain that she was screaming and moaning; it sounded sooo funny, and Happy was getting super crazy & thought she was in danger or something. So we had to keep Happy in the room with us because he couldn't stop barking & jumping. The other day Mark's mom was getting that same massage for the first time, and our nosy neighbor even rang the doorbell because Happy was barking so much & she was moaning and screaming everywhere and the neighbor was like, "Is everything okay?" Whatever, nosy ass. But it was pretty funny. I wouldn't be surprised if other people thought otherwise too. But back to the massages, woo. Mark was able to get his neck massaged; he has bad neck problems & cracks his neck every single day (you would find it really nasty because it sounds gross). He looked like he was in incredible pain, but he said it felt so good & his neck felt loose afterwards. His neck is still weird, but that's because he thinks he tore something. Eh. As for me, Tom was asking if I was having lower back pain. I told him YUP & explained to him how uncomfortable it is for me to sleep nowadays. He then said, "You know they do pregnancy massages too" & I told him, "Yeah, I know, but I can't afford it right now." So he said, "Okay, you're next." I had to lie down on my sides, and he massaged my lower back all the way up my spine to the top, and back down (both sides). Omg. I wanted to cry at some points. That shit HURT! But it was pretty relaxing & now my back is sore as hell. It feels like someone punched my back really hard. Amazing though. I told him, "Thanks so much" & he said "Anytime." AWESOME. It was a great massage, but it's even better knowing that it's FREE :]
Today Mark & I went to this ghetto furniture mattress place off PCH because we figured (well his mom suggested that we go there) that the roll out beds would be cheaper than the bigger stores like Target or Walmart or something. The 39" wide one is like $180! Whatever, that's like the price I've been finding everywhere. I wanted to just buy a really good comfy futon for only $50-$100, but his mom wants us to find something that can easily be put away because we already have enough sofas & all our beds used to be futons so we've had enough of those. Plus we could use it for any other guests that decide to stay over. Anyways, the roll out bed was pretty cool. We opened it up & I lied down on it to test it out. I thought it would be more unstable, but it was pretty comfy! My mom's even shorter than I am so it's perfect. And I was kinda scared at first because I feel so heavy with the baby (but that's my psychological issue of always thinking I'm a fatass) but the mattress held me on there pretty well. So I'm thinking of going back to pick it up tomorrow or Tuesday morning so it's all ready & set up by the time my mom gets here Wednesday night.
Oh, and lastly, I gave in to the fad (as I have in the past with MySpace & Facebook) and created a Twitter last week. I didn't understand the whole craze about it at first, and I find it so funny how everyone's obsessed with it because it's just us writing our every detail of what we do in life, but I mean, it's not like I have anything better to freakin' do anyways. I'm pregnant & stuck at home all day. I enjoy writing my thoughts in my blog so I might as well write it on my Twitter because at least I have the right to do so (because I know when you're on Myspace & Facebook, seeing someone's status change every 20 minutes or seeing bulletins constantly posted by the same person can annoy you). So follow me on Twitter & I'll follow you back, that's if you've given in to the fad as well. http://twitter.com/caleealdaya
I turn 21 on April 8th (which is also mine & Mark's 3 year anniversary). I always forget that my 21st birthday is coming up because I'm so distracted with the baby shower & the pregnancy itself. These are a couple things I'd really love to get my hands on especially before Dylan's here (:
Canon PowerShot SD990 IS Digital Camera At first, I wanted an amateur SLR camera, but the camera we have right now is huge, heavy, & bulky. I miss having a compact camera. I read / watched reviews on it & it seems pretty good (and I seriously live off reviews). This is where all of Dylan's first pictures are gonna store up for a while :D
Tokidoki Creativa - Celebrazione This will be Dylan's diaper bag :]
Babies R Us gift card For all of the baby stuff we'll need.
...and last but most importantly, for everything to be okay for Mark & our family. Sigh.
I have never experienced a cough as horrible as this one. At first I kept thinking to myself, Oh this is nothing; it'll go away soon. I'm practically dying. Mark gave me, his mom, and his aunt some crazy ass virus. This whole house is coughing. Last night, I felt so sick & as it has been for the past week, it was really difficult for me to sleep. I have to sleep with a cough drop in my mouth at all times. And as I wrote before, I have to wear a freakin' pad to control my bladder since I have a big baby sitting on it. My OBGYN prescribed me some antibiotics & hopefully those are kicking in. I also take regular Mucinex when I feel like I have to; although it works, my cough is uncontrollable and it hurts. I threw up in the middle of the night. Everytime I wake up from coughing so much, I sit up wishing I didn't have to sleep because I end up coughing again anyways. And for some reason, sleeping on my left side makes me cough more than sleeping on my right side, and I hate sleeping facing my right side because I'm facing the blinds & it gets super bright in the morning. My baby's growing so big that it's putting a lot of pressure on my ribs, and everytime I cough, my ribs are in pain. Seriously HURTS. I told my OBGYN about it; she said, Poor thing, you're being tortured. Yes. I am. I even read about a pregnant woman actually BREAKING a rib from coughing so much, and at times I really feel like something's gonna crack. After I came from my OBGYN's office, I had to go to Target to get my prescription. I felt like dying. I was so dizzy & my coughing was driving me insane. I walked around & looked at baby stuff, but I kept telling myself how much I'd rather be at home. I left once my prescription was ready, and I seriously felt like I shouldn't have been driving. Driving's getting a bit difficult for me because I feel like I don't have the ability to turn my body in all directions so I get really paranoid. I'm seriously praying that this illness goes away by the end of the weekend; I don't know how much longer I'll be able to put up with it. I feel like crying at times. It's so depressing & aggravating. I feel like ever since February 26 happened, Mark & I have been cursed. I just need to be more optimistic. Sigh.
Dylan's heartbeat was perfect when I heard it yesterday at my OB's. She also measured my belly (exactly at 31 weeks), and she said he's already positioned upside down. No wonder I feel a lot of punches & movement around the lower area of my belly, and I feel his hard kicks at the top. I'm glad that through all my suffering, my baby is doing just fine. That's all that's important to me. All that's seriously keeping me alive is the fact that my baby is going to be here in 2 months, and Mark & I are going to find all our happiness in him.
My mother called me yesterday to let me know what her flight number is. She really IS coming. Wow. That's a miracle. Well, actually I'm not surprised because I know she's forcing herself to come before the April 15th deadline. So I gotta prepare for her arrival. My brother Anthony is coming with me to pick her up on Wednesday. I've been searching up on craigslist for a futon for sale so she'll have a more comfortable place to sleep (instead of the sofa) in the den. At first, we were gonna let her sleep in the living room where she'll have the TV to keep herself company, but I realized that that's "Happy's sofa" because he seriously takes over that thing like it's his. And I didn't want Mark's mom & aunt feel like they can't relax on the sofa like they always do. I'll probably find my mom a TV to place in the den. Luckily I found a seller who's selling a futon in great condition for only $50, and she's holding it for me until we pick it up on Saturday. So we'll see if that goes through. I really feel bad for having to leave her here for the weekend while I'm in Palmdale for the shower. I don't know if my dad will change his mind though; they never get along ever since I can remember..
The shower is in a week! I'm really looking forward to seeing everyone. My dad & sister keep asking me about how many people are going. I constantly remind them that I sent over 70 invitations to friends and about 40 to different family households, and that no one really follows the whole "RSVP" thing anymore especially because this isn't a formal event like a wedding or debut. So much of my family is going to be there; I told my dad that I don't care where everyone else sleeps, as long as I get their tempurpedic bed because it'll help my belly. The house is going to be crowded of family members sleeping on the floor and what not. Family's coming from all over the place like Vegas & San Diego, and I already there will be over 50 family members so I can't imagine how many of our friends will be there. Regardless, it's going to be fun & there will be lots of food, drunk aunts and uncles (AND DAD), loud karaoke, fun games. I can't wait for a bunch of you guys to meet the dogs too! Bonnie's gonna love the attention. She misses it. Anyways, if you could let me know if you're going or not (through the internet or even through a phone call or text..that's if you know my number), I'd really appreciate it (because my family keeps annoying me about it). So I can keep track in case they need to order more food or make more giveaways. Either way, I really appreciate everyone who will be there to share the day with me, Mark, & Dylan & we'll miss those who won't be able to make it!
Well, I'm gonna catch some rest. I hope tonight won't be so bad, but I could be speaking too soon. Goodnight.
I'm dying. Week 30 sucks really bad. Since my last blog, my cough has become more persistent, and it's uncontrollable at night time. It's really hard for me to sleep, and I'm pretty sure it's hard for Mark to sleep with me coughing so much. I have to force myself to go to the bathroom at least 4x during the middle of the night. It's so ridiculous. I even wanted to cry because it's just so unbearable! Ugh. And when I cough, the top & sides of my belly hurt so bad. I know Dylan's okay though because he's protected, but when the coughing gets too rough, he'll kick and move around a lot more. Mark's aunt was able to make me soup & Mark made me some honey/lime tea, and it helps because the warm food really soothes my throat, but the coughing still is really bad afterwards. I try sooooo hard, so so so hard to get better; I drink so much water, and I spit out everything I can [gross I know], I rest up as much as possible, but it's just so hard when I'm coughing & dying for air every couple of minutes. Another really annoying thing is that I have to wear PADS because of my uncontrollable bladder while I'm coughing. AHHH. Also, the weather yesterday was WHACK. It was all windy, and I just got even more paranoid that my cough would worsen because the wind always makes me prone to allergies. Then last night, I was squatting down, trying to look for paperwork in Mark's drawer, and I felt my ankle sorta snap or it made a weird sound, and now it's painful and bruised. Man. I didn't know my weight was THAT bad, dayum. So yeah, all these things would go wrong with my body in just one week. Lucky, lucky me. Being pregnant has always been a fun experience for me; but being pregnant AND sick?! It's literally torture. I'm limited to many medications that actually help me get better; trust me, if I didn't have Dylan in here right now, I'd load myself up with Nyquil and sleep forever. But I can't ): I have to try using as many natural remedies as I can.
Anyways, right after I posted my last blog [sometime before midnight], I took Mark's stethescope [that Concorde College provided him with], and I tried to listen to what was going on in this uterus of mine. I've always wanted to rent a fetal doppler, but my last OB told me, "I don't recommend it; they don't really work. Later on, you can hear the baby's heartbeat with a regular stethescope." Man, after he said that, I was so frustrated because I really wanted to rent one, and you're not allowed to rent one without a doctor's prescription. Anyways, I took the stethescope & after hearing just a bunch of *thumps* [since Dylan likes to kick and roll around so much], he got close enough to the surface in order for me to hear his heartbeat! It was so cool! I tried finding it before, but now that he's bigger I figured it would be easier to find. I even read online how nurses couldn't even find a baby's heartbeat by using a regular stethescope so I was pretty impressed with myself. Ha! And for sure I know it's his heartbeat because I could hear mine which is just a steady boomboom, boomboom, boomboom while Dylan's is a super fast boomboomboomboomboomboom. I heard it again later on that day because he was pretty active and rolling around. It's amazing. It takes a lot of patience because his chest or what not isn't always close enough to the surface for me to hear, but I catch the short moments when he does. So cool (:
We finally had the tour of Little Company of Mary Hospital in Torrance (it's a Catholic hospital; pretty sure that makes my dad super happy). It was scheduled yesterday, and I kept thinking, Gosh I hope I feel better because last time, which was 3 weeks ago, I had to reschedule the tour because I was too sick with a cold. I still had my cough, but at least I had the energy to get ready & go out. Last time, I couldn't even sit in front of my mirror without feeling my head spinning, trying to straighten my hair. Anyways, the tour started at 12 noon. There were cookies & tea provided for everyone. I think there were about 12 couples? Maybe more, but it should be around there. And I wasn't surprised that Mark & I were the youngest couple / parents-to-be there. Haha. I was actually surprised at the older couples in there! And I mean obviously the other couples were older than us, but some couples were definitely older older, you could just see it. I sound so mean, haha. Anyways, I was chowing down on some cookies & I constantly kept drinking water because I was trying really hard to control my cough. It was hard. I felt embarrassed because I didn't want any of the other pregnant women feel threatened that they'd get sick too. I just threw in a cough drop & coughed with my mouth closed the entire time; it was a challenge. Anyways, our tour guide explained everything to us regarding the hand outs that were provided which were about different things like car seat safety, doulas available, certain classes that we can take, breast pump rentals, etc etc. Then she explained to us how procedure works in the labor room. Cameras are allowed of course [no tripods, but I would never go that far in my opinion haha], and pretty much anyone can come while I'm in labor. We were also shown a DVD about pain management during labor [like how the epidural is given, etc] and Mark was squeezing my arm all hard the entire time because he was freaking out. Haha! I swear, he's such a chicken. I already know he's gonna freak out in the room while I'm in labor. After the video, I looked around the room & saw a bunch of the pregnant women CRYING. How funny. Good Lord. I thought I was bad with crying after every little thing, but that was definitely at the beginning of my pregnancy. I think I've learned to control my hormones a little more. Ha. Anyways after that, we were able to take a little break. Our tour guide said, "If you need to use the restroom, it's out these two doors, make a right, and it will be on your right hand side." And all the pregnant women just bursted out the door. For once, I'm not the only one needing to use the bathroom every hour. Haha! I couldn't help but laugh. The bathroom was full of pregnant chicks. After THAT, we began our walking tour of the hospital.
Mark & I have already been around the hospital since we had to observe arterial blood gases for our phlebotomy classes a year + back so we were familiar where to go during certain hours of the day. If I'm in labor & I arrive during 5am-9pm, we can use the front entrance, but after that we'd have to use the emergency room. I love the patient rooms for labor. It's pretty spacious (the picture is actually showing half the size of what the room really is), and it comes with a pull out bed in the little sofa where people can sleep. You know what's so funny; the doctor in the picture up there is actually my former OBGYN; the one that frustrated me! ANYWAYS. The bathroom & shower seems pretty cool. And I'm definitely bringing my own pillow because those pillows are so flat & cheap & I like my pillows big and fluffy. Also, they showed us where the baby will be kept warm on; where they'll test for certain things as soon as he's born & all that other medical stuff. They also provide a bassinet for Dylan to sleep in next to the bed (since we're not allowed to have the baby sleep in the bed with us for safety reasons). Mark was very impressed with the room; the lights are all high tech too, and he was just like WOW. I can't wait for a bunch of you guys to be there when I'm in labor! Anyways, after that, we saw the C-section room, the nursery (there was a newborn in there! so cute!), and the postpartum room (which is the room I transfer to after baby Dylan is born). The postpartum room is smaller, but it's nice & seems comfy. I seriously love that hospital, ever since I first went there last year. It's sooooo quiet; it's a small private hospital, and the environment seems so comfortable. The hospital has its own chapel & I'm sure my parents would appreciate that. The E.R. wasn't full & crowded like it usually would be at a big hospital like Kaiser or Harbor UCLA. And I swear last time I went to that hospital, I saw a bunch of nuns walking everywhere lol. This is actually the hospital that Mark would love to work at as a respiratory therapist. He's hoping! After the tour, we pre-registered in order to reserve our spot in May, and we're set with that. We can't wait 'til Dylan comes in 2 months (: So excited.
Next week is going to be insane. I'm really excited for the baby shower! I'm sure some of you guys remember my cousin Kimmie? She lives in the Bay area & stayed with me the entire summer before 9th grade. Anyways, I'm picking her up from LAX next Friday & I'm so excited because it's been YEARS since I last saw her. My mom is "supposedly" coming next Wednesday; let's see how all that plays out. But I'm very excited for next next weekend. I wanna go to the Songkran Festival (Thai festival) in Hollywood, but it's the day right after my shower, and I have to drop Kimmie off at the airport around 3pm. I don't even know if I'll even have the energy to walk around; last year it was blazing hot & it got both Mark & I really cranky.
Ah, yes, and tomorrow is the big D-day for Mark; please PLEASEPLEASE pray that everything goes well. I feel really positive about it; he's a good person & I know good things are going to happen. He deserves it.
Well, I'm going to rest up (like I have been everyday for the past week). Hopefully I get better soon; if not, at least I see my OB this Wednesday & I can ask her what to do.
PS: I really REALLY hate it when people try & act like they're such "a good person" and "a good friend" when all they do is talk & never ACT. In my opinion, people like that are VERY VERY SELFISH. You don't deserve to be in our life, seriously. And my son doesn't need to meet anyone like you. I probably sound like a bitch because you think I don't know you, but I know enough to know that you don't deserve my boyfriend's friendship.
It's so weird, but when I lifted up my shirt to see my belly in the mirror 20 minutes ago, I realized my belly button doesn't look the same as it did 2 days ago (literally 2 days ago). It's as if it's ready to pop inside out! It's crazy how quick my belly grows...that means Dylan's growing! It's crazy & exciting all at the same time. You guys might not notice it as much in the pictures, but it's my belly, and I know FOR SURE that it doesn't look the same.
2 days ago (Wednesday, 29 weeks & 6 days pregnant)
Tonight (Friday, 30 weeks & 1 day pregnant)
Do you guys see it?! In the first picture, my belly button hole appears wider (that's why I mentioned in a previous blog that my belly button hole feels wider). In the 2nd picture, it doesn't look as wide anymore! It's like becoming a small little hole with a decreasing outline (at the top). Idk. It probably doesn't seem like a drastic change, but for me, I'm just incredibly amazed. ha. My baby's growing so fast (x
Anyways, like I mentioned in yesterday's blog, I'm sick with a cough. I'm thankful that it's not like crazy, drastic coughing, but I do have to force myself to cough hard at times to get rid of all this nasty mucous. It's really annoying. But yeah, and the fact that I drink a lot of water helps me a lot towards getting better, but it doesn't help control my bladder. For instance, I coughed really hard earlier this evening, and I realized that I practically peed in my pants. Embarrasing, much? Good thing I was home. Then I googled it up through Yahoo Answers to see what other pregnant women had to say about these types of incidents. I'm not alone! Sigh. Being pregnant is such an experience. It's like fun, exciting, scary, laggy, embarrassing, hard, uncomfortable--all at the same time. So heads up, try not to make me laugh too hard, and hopefully I never sneeze or cough hard in public.
Week 30 is already torture. The awesome news is that all this pain and discomfort that I'm experiencing ends in 2 months--then it switches to being full-time mommy!
So yesterday I woke up feeling extremely sick. WHY?!?!?! Ugh. I swear I just got better over a week ago, but now I've developed a cough. I'm back to drinking 8 bottles of water a day, and my [already constant] pee trips have increased. Instead of once a night, it's gone to 3x a night; and then once an hour during the day. I hate being sick. I do everything I can to get rid of my symptoms. Lots of tissue, water, & sleep. And I know yesterday's weather was kinda hotter than usual, but I was seriously BURNING UP in my room, even with all the windows and doors open. And I was sweating while I was sleeping; very uncomfortable. Hopefully this doesn't get any worse; we have our "Maternity Tea & Tour" at Little Company this Sunday & I'm trying to make it this time. Last time, I was dying & I couldn't breathe.
In addition to my sickness, my belly's gotten HUGE in the past week. I swear, my belly button didn't look the way it did during the shower less than a week ago. It's just opening up wider [sounds gross, I know], and my stomach feels so heavy. It's putting so much pressure on my back. It literally kills me now. I didn't experience much back pain until this week. LORD!!! It seriously hurts. And when I sit down [like I am right now trying to type this blog], it really isn't too comfortable. Now when I sleep, I HAVE to make sure I'm surrounded by pillows supporting my entire back, in between my legs, my arms, and my head. It kills me. Being sick is just the worst thing that could happen right now. The third trimester is gonna kick my ass, I already know it [because it already is]. I just came from CVS half an hour ago, and I was standing there staring at what medications are safe for me to take. My feet / legs were aching like crazy. I was barely standing there for 10 minutes. My feet just get so sore. Man, my back seriously aches. This is insane! I knew I was speaking too early; I sound so whiney, but it's just me jotting down exactly what I'm feeling so in the future I can look back and laugh at myself. Hey, it's not so easy being pregnant, okay?!
Okay, so I know I've been talking about how much I hate my neighbor. This has been going on ever since I first moved in with Mark in 2006. There are MULTIPLE incidents that he's done against us, especially a RECENT event that happened a couple weeks ago, but this is something I have no problem sharing. Mark's mom was off today so she spent a lot of time going in and out of the house running errands. My neighbor decides to go up to her to try & be nice and "explain" himself & why he does stupid things. One thing he brought up was the "Poop issue." So what happened was, a couple years back, we started finding POOP at our front door. Literally, shit. Awkward, we kept thinking, until it continued happening throughout the week. We automatically KNEW it was our neighbor because he does weird stupid shit like that. He's very nosy. And he tells Mark's mom that he thought it was BONNIE'S POOP. First of all, I got Bonnie in the summer of 2007; he started putting that poop at our front door before we even had Bonnie. Then later on, Bonnie gets kicked out because the landlord actually came in and found her here. Well, the 2nd time I brought her back here, somebody had told the landlord that Bonnie was here, and we were told to that she had to leave so we had to take her back to Palmdale [to my dad's house]. I was so furious. I was crying, extremely angry, because Bonnie & Margaux were keeping me sane at the time. I loved having them around, and to have somebody SNITCH on my dogs for no reason was unacceptable. I just didn't understand. Bonnie never barks; she always poops outside & I pick up right after her. And to have my stupid neighbor SNITCH on me like that was ridiculous. He finally admitted it to Mark's mom that HE WAS THE ONE WHO KEPT PUTTING THE POOP AT OUR DOOR, ALL BECAUSE HE THOUGHT IT WAS BONNIE'S. First of all, don't ASSUME. If you think it's my pet, ASK ME FIRST. He said, "I didn't want to tell Calee because I didn't want to embarrass her." EMBARRASS ME?! My friend, you're embarrassing yourself by being extremely RUDE & placing shit on our property. Don't go assuming & suddenly take wrong actions by placing poop at our front door. And you know where all that poop comes from? CATS! There are cats that come by our house especially late at night [we always see them sitting on the wall; it's either a cat sitting there or a possum, yock]. So obviously the cats poop on both our yards, and he just kept assuming it was MY LABRADOR RETRIEVER. Bonnie's poop isn't even close to being THAT small either. She poops big ones [ha], and I always ALWAYS go out with her to pick up after her. She's such a sweet dog, I don't even know why anyone would tell the landlord about her. All my other neighbors always come by and say, "Omgggg you're such a cute dog!" and they love to pet her! She's the sweetest dog ever, I just really can't get over it. It was such horrible news that day when I found out I had to bring Bonnie back to Palmdale. I was so devastated because having her around really kept me happy; it was like raising a kid. So yeah, that's what my neighbor was talking to Mark's mom about. She just straight up told him to never come onto our property again, and that it was really stupid for him to assume things like that. Stupid, stupid person. He didn't even bring up the incident that happened a couple weeks ago, but I'm pretty sure he's just scared to because he knows WE KNOW. Asshole. He's pretty good at ruining peoples' lives for absolutely no damn reason. Ugh, just LEAVE US ALONE!
On a lighter note, I'm really excited for the Palmdale shower now! 2 more weeks! And I know time is gonna fly by because I have so much to do beforehand. My doctor appointment, running a couple errands, my mom flying in from the Philippines. Ah. Just hoping my belly/back cooperates with me most of the time. Oh yeah, and Mark & I got a speeding ticket last November, and the due date for it was on March 2nd. Since that whole "incident" happened 3 weeks ago, we lost a lot of his paperwork so we couldn't find the paper to tell us where & when the whole fine was due. Finally Mark found the paper 2 days ago, and I thought we had to owe them almost $1,000 because they claimed we didn't have "insurance" at the time [which I did, and which I SHOWED TO THE COP; ugh stupid cop]. Mark went to the Long Beach courthouse & paid his fine [showing proof of insurance as well], which was a total of $215. Woo, so relieving! And we're late for over 2 weeks. Lucky us. Oh, and I just wanna say how proud I am of Mark for getting an A on his quiz today (: He studied his butt off like crazy last night and early this morning. Yay! (:
Well, goodnight! Dylan's busting those fake contractions on me right now.
Hi everyone! This weekend was EXHAUSTING. This will [obviously] be a long entry. Where to start...
Friday: Janelle & Vicky came over around noon to help me out with the chocolate covered oreos (the party favors). Thank GOD they came over because I would've never gotten those things done. For those who don't know, we used fondant white chocolate (from Smart n Final) & blue & brown Wilton Candy Melts from Michael's as the coating for the oreos. Vicky brought over most of the supplies that we needed (THANK YOU!). We used fondant for the letters (using the alphabet cutters), and we dyed them with green or blue icing dye. Let's just say, it definitely wasn't easy as it looks. It tooks lots of patience & time. Since Janelle & Vicky had to leave around 5pm, I was working on them on my own for a few hours until Leslie was able to come by & give a hand :D We finally finished assembling the oreos around 9pm (9 hours, can you believe that!) and got started on cleaning. Don, Aj, Arnie, & Leslie were all able to help with cleaning out the den, cleaning the floor, moving furniture around, and decorating. We seriously couldn't do it without all your guys' help especially since Mark spends most of the day at school. Mark & I weren't able to sleep until past 2pm from all that work. So MANY MANY THANKS to everyone who came over on Friday to help us prepare for the next day (:
Saturday; day of the baby shower:
I woke up around 9am because I knew I had too much to do before the party started at 2pm. I got up, straightened my hair, ate half a peanut butter sandwich, and got started with preparations. I helped Mark's mom cut up some cilantro, and some of her friends came over to help them with cooking so she didn't need me to help out with anything else. I washed allllllll the glasses and cups our bar area (our den is so clean; I find it hilarious how no one even knew we had a bar until they cleaned that whole room out yesterday; it echoes! That's how empty it is now). While I was cleaning up, Mark & Nic went to go pick up some chairs & tables. I also set up the banner in the front and inside, and whatever other decorations needed. 2pm came sooner than I expected. I had forgotten about the balloons so I left around 1:30 to pick some up, but my sister was already at the house so we turned back & I asked Leslie to grab them for me (THANK YOU I LOVE YOU!). So when I got back, Mark, Nic, & I were able to set up the tables & chairs before more guests came. It was windy! The wind was making the tablecloth go nuts & I had sprinkled confetti all over them so it just got all over the place. So I tied them all to the table because tape was being ghetto. Oh well. I was pretty much running around the house like a chicken with no head. So many things to attend to. I kept losing my phone (ridiculous absent minded, pregnant me), and I think I spent a whole 20 minutes looking for my phone because I couldn't eat without knowing where it was (in case people were trying to contact me). Then all our guests started coming, and it was great to see everyone. Mark's classmates started coming in, and Mark wasn't even home! He had to go drop Nic off real quick so he could get ready, and lots of people were looking for him, ha.
FOOD! It was bomb, don't you guys agree? Mark's mom used to own a Teriyaki restaurant so she made her infamous sauce & she cooked the chicken over the grill. BOMB!!! I know many of you guys enjoyed it. There was also Pad Thai (because we know that everyone else that's NOT Thai enjoys Pad Thai a LOT more! haha), spring rolls, fried rice, some chicken tamales, salad, fruits, and other stuff. I couldn't remember since I barely had time to eat (although I did stuff myself the first time so Dylan wouldn't complain). I saw everyone enjoyed the oreo party favors ;) I knew those things were gonna be a success! And I also saw so many people take a bunch of them! Haha! I didn't mind at all because there were plenty of extas (and I was able to keep some for myself, just for keeps!). But yeah, I really hope you all enjoyed the food (:
Our friends Ashley & Mark were SO GENEROUS & KIND enough to give us Chase's clothes! Man, you wouldn't believe...6 bags full of clothes! I wanted to cry, haha. My other friends who walked into the room were like DANGGG Dylan got hooked up! HAHA. I thought that was very kind & selfless & we really appreciate it. Anyways, more family & friends came. I only invited few of my friends from the valley since all my other friends are invited to the Palmdale shower which is in less than 3 weeks (exciting). The games were pretty fun too! We had the chocolate diaper game, and Jeanillie & Melissa were tied on that one. Mark was right--the Milky Way would throw a lot of people off. Good thing I listened to him because I wasn't planning to buy it (otherwise, we would've had a lot of correct answers). We gave Jeanillie & Melissa a tie breaker diaper, which was actually full of squash sprayed with some fragrance (gross I know) to throw them off with the smell. Surprisingly, Melissa got it right! HA! So she won herself a Jamba Juice gift card :) YAY for Melissa! I find is so funny because I was the one who won the chocolate diaper game at HER baby shower in January. High five for us. True chocolate eaters ;)
The beer bottle game was pretty fun. You guys pretty much see the whole game in the video; I just find it hilarious how Janelle (poor Cholo) had a bottle that was leaking so much & it just kept going down by her boobies that she had to stuff her bra with tissue. Mark said he was getting light headed & that he tried so hard. HAHA. Surprised he even played because he's not even a huge beer drinker; he's not a huge drinker, in general. But Alex was so close to winning! Man. Guys cheat, I swear. They can win like true champs. I still consider Alex the winner haha. Tj, Mark's classmate, was the winner. Congrats!
When I saw all the gifts we received, oh man. I was so surprised! We did the Baby Shower Gift Bingo game. I don't wanna explain the game since I know we're playing it at the Palmdale one, but Jeanillie & TC won (we allowed 2 winners for that game). Anyways, I loved all our gifts! I can't thank you guys enough! I received many things off my registry; I was happy! But even the gifts that weren't on, man, I'm happy! Pampers = BIG PLUS. You guys should definitely know we need LOTS AND LOTS of diapers! Shoot. And wipes ;) Cindy & her family got us the Diaper Genie (diaper disposal system) & I'm so excited to use it. So remember guys, I already received one! Nic (Mark's bff), his girlfriend Fran, and his family gave us a bunch of gifts too, including a tennis racket & tennis balls (Nic's dad is a tennis coach, Nic's a tennis coach himself, and he and Mark used to play all the time back in the day). Dylan's gonna learn how to play lots of sports. So cute. Also, I was very shocked with the gifts that Mark's classmates gave us. It was my first time meeting them yet they were SO incredibly generous. We received the Baby Bjorn carrier, and I'm seriously in love with it. Lia & TC helped me try it on! HAHA. It just makes me anticipate Dylan's arrival more & more. His other classmate Jackie got us a HUGEEEEEE basket full of stuff! The essentials! So many different outfits, white onesies for every month period, shoes, lotions, oil; oh man! I was in shock! Mark & I couldn't stop thanking her...I was gonna cry. Haha. What other gifts did we receive...ah yes, the Boppy pillow for nursing (YAY), the Serta changing pad, bouncer chair, sleep positioner, sleeper (for when Dylan sleeps in the bed if necessary), the Weeblock (!!!), lots of cute clothes, blankets, towels, bath supplies, the 'oral' set from Alex (hahah!), the snuzzler for the stroller, bottle sterilizer, formula (from Arnie & Jay's mom), money, and lots more I can't think of. I can't thank you guys enough! SERIOUSLY. Mark & I are forever grateful; I wanted to cry at some points because it was just a huge shock (and reality check) for me. We are very blessed to have you guys (family & friends) in our life, you have no idea. Thanks again (a million times & more).
The one thing that pissed me off throughout the entire day = HAPPY. THAT DOG. THAT FREAKIN' DOG IS SO RUDE. Mark's mom's friends had come earlier around 11am to help cook, and Happy was going hysterical. He even peed on the floor & it was wreaking. I had to hold him, and everytime they tried to pet him or say hi to him, he snapped & barked so loud; he tried to bite everybody. It was pissing me off like CRAZY. He would not SHUT UP throughout the day. BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK. At everyone and everything! He hates balloons & kept barking at those too. And as more people started coming, he was able to say hi to everyone he was used to (like Janelle, Aj, Don, Arnie, Leslie, Jeanillie, etc etc), but everytime someone he didn't know approached his stroller (ridiculous, I know..he has a freakin' stroller) he barked so loud & tried to bite them. Man. I just wanted to tie something around his mouth or throw him in our room. He was so mean! And I didn't want him running loose around the house because I was afraid he'd bite the babies. I was telling Mark how completely embarrassed I was because Happy tends to look so cute in pictures & videos, but when people actually wanna meet him, I get so nervous because this dog can be a huge BRAT & JERK. Such a dominant dog, and I apologize to everyone who had to put up with his stupidity. That dog is spoiled way too much, and that's why he acts the way he does. He's just not used to seeing that many people in his house, ever, and so he was so nervous. I try so hard to teach that dog how to behave, but no one else contributes to the training besides Mark...so he never learns. Sigh. Happy...I swear. Ugh.
ANYWAYS, by 9pm, I was POOPED. I definitely was. I had been walking around and standing around alllllllll freakin' day while carrying a 3lb fetus in my womb. TIRING. My back was killing me & my feet ached so bad. By 10pm, most people had left. I gotta say that I was happy Lia & Alex were able to make it because I swear I would've driven to pick you guys up! Aj, Don, Arnie, Leslie, and Fern were the last people to stay. We didn't mind of course! We were having fun. I was just arranging all the gifts & clothing in our room & picking things out & what not. So much cute stuff; it just kept hitting me: I'm having a baby! It's so exciting though, and I can definitely see it in Mark that he's excited too.
Sunday:
Man, I was exhausted yesterday. We had to wake up early because we had to return the chairs that we borrowed to his family friend. Afterwards, we went to Target because I had to pick up some more Expecta (since Medi-Cal is super lame & doesn't cover DHA pills). We also got some Dreft detergent so I can get started on washing all of Dylan's new clothes and blankets. I have to find room to put these things away! Gosh. Our room's a mess right now. And I threw a bunch of the gifts (that are needed in our room) onto the crib because I have no where else to put them. The rest of the stuff are still downstairs in the den & I'll get those when I'll really need them. During the day, I was just way too exhausted to do anything. I just ate, helped Mark with his homework, and took a long nap. I woke up around 11pm! And I was hungry so I ate. And then I felt super sick afterwards. My constipation is kicking in. Dylan has grown so much in the last 2 weeks, and my stomach stays hard/tightened all day now. Before, I just felt like I was super fat & flubbery. Now my stomach feels like dolphin skin. And I feel him constantly moving around & kicking so hard. And sometimes it can hurt when he's moving. Man. It's just a reminder to me that his arrival is coming so soon--2 more months!
Also, my mother called from the Philippines to confirm her flight back. Could it be true? Lol. She says her arrival will be on April 1st at 7pm at LAX so we have to pick her up that night. And she also said she already purchased her ticket so I hope she's telling me the truth and not lying. Now we have to prepare the den room for her, and I'm probably going to add extra drawers in there to store some of Dylan's extra clothes, supplies, & diapers. So having my mom around would be a big help, but I know she's gonna drive me crazy 98% of the time. When does she not? I feel kinda bad because my dad doesn't want her at the Palmdale baby shower, and Mark's mom & aunt will be attending too so my mom would be left at home alone. Idk what to do.
Well, that's my "wrap-up" of what happened during the shower. Mark & I want to thank everyone again for all the help & for everyone who attended. We had SUCH a great time! We are blessed & can't wait to meet our son...and then have him meet all of YOU! We love you!
We will see the rest of you guys at the Palmdale baby shower on April 4th! (:
I just wanted to jot down how relieved I came out after my doctor appointment this morning. Dylan's heartbeat was perfect, and the measurement of my belly is at exactly where I'm supposed to be. My 3 hour glucose tolerance test results came out normal, and that makes me so happy. Gestational diabetes is horrible; I'm just so lucky/thankful that I passed it. See, I knew my baby's been doing good in here!
I went to get some more blood drawn right after my appointment; being a former phlebotomy student, I have the tendency to focus on every single right and wrong move that phlebotomists perform on me. They made a new phlebotomist work on my arms. I just got both my arms drawn a few times last Friday (for the 3 hour) so I still had some obvious bruising. Lord. This woman (she was pretty old too) couldn't get my blood, and she did almost everything wrong. You could just imagine my face the entire time. I didn't wanna say anything to make her more nervous because I didn't want her to poke my eye out. Sigh. She couldn't get blood from both my arms so she had to ask another lady (the lady who always draws from me, actually) and she was able to get my blood in less than a minute. Thank God that was over with. I was sitting in that drawing station for like over 10 minutes. She's lucky I'm not afraid of needles. Other patients are very VERY paranoid about getting poked, and they can be assholes to you if you make the wrong moves. I feel bad for her; someone should've been around to observe her since she's so new.
Anyways, I've been counting down for Saturday & I feel like it's just going extremely slow because I'm too focused on it. Haha. I'm stoked. I don't know how we're fitting all those people in our little townhouse, but we'll figure it out. I'll be cleaning all day tomorrow & running last minute errands. I still gotta get the prizes for the games (: Fun stuff.
Daylight savings time is throwing me off. I can't believe it's already 6pm; I'm not used to this. I've been busy. I had to run a bunch of errands today. The Dollar Tree over here sucks. I like the one in the valley; I'm sure it has way more stuff. lol. I ended up keeping a bunch of the decorations that I got from Party City because some of it was actually cheaper. I can't believe the shower is in less than 4 days! It's stressful, but I'm super excited now.
Things are still pretty stressful at home. Mark's RT101 program is ridiculous & his focus is being thrown off track after all that had happened. I feel bad for my boyfriend. I try & help him with everything I can, and I haven't been asking him to help me with the room & stuff. I just know he has too much on his mind. It kills me inside to know how bad this is affecting him (and our family of course). I try to keep him positive, and I continue to encourage him that giving up is never an option (just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming swimming...). You can do it babe! You can, really. We can!
Anyways, here are a couple videos. The first video is just my usual pregnancy update. The second video of the room & my big fat belly! :] Oh, and Mark & I were talking about repainting the room (in white, it's color already) because it's gotten so dirty...all those times we've fought over the past 3 years involving pizza being thrown at each other & breaking things. Fun stuff. I love us.
Well what can I say...it's been a rough week & it's hard to forget what happened, but we try our best to be strong. There will be times where I'm okay and I'm just busy doing something else, but there are times where I just think too hard about what happened & it puts me down. I'm going to fight it though. Every night for the past week, when we're in bed, right before we go to sleep, I give him a hug & Mark reassures me that, "We're going to be okay, babe. We'll be okay." Last night was a pretty bad night; sometimes when you're just so frustrated, you end up taking out all that anger on someone (and I did it on Mark again). And I felt really bad because it put him down, and he ended up leaving because he couldn't stand being in the house. Just too much has been happening. It's been killing his focus on school as well. He kept telling himself how big of a failure he was, but I keep reminding him that he is never a failure in my eyes. FAILURE doesn't run in his blood; he always strives to get what he wants. He kept asking me, "Why do all these bad things happen to me in my life? Bad things always happen to me, no matter what I do. I try so hard to make everything better for myself and for my family. Now I just feel SO tired, like I failed everybody. I'm just so tired..." and it made me so sad to hear him say that. Then I told him, "Babe, once your son is here, you're going to understand your whole reason for living." Sigh. Such an emotional week. I'm just grateful that we have each other.
So enough of the drama. Back to updates on my pregnancy. I can't believe I'm already 7 months pregnant. My head's been bombarded with all these plans and stressful events that I don't realize how fast time is passing by. Dylan's arrival is getting so much closer, and before we know it, he'll be here! We already got the crib in, and we'll be setting it up this weekend. I set up the whole Ikea drawer set by myself because I know Mark's been preoccupied with other things. I didn't know I could do it, but I did! Pregnant or not, I'm still useful. We also gotta set up our new little pantry cabinet so everything in the room will look nice and pretty by the 14th (:
Anyways, my pregnancy hasn't been as bad as I expected (I could be speaking too soon; I still have less than 3 months to put up with). This baby is getting big. He kicks and rolls around in here like it's a party all day or something. And it hardens up & I always gotta go "AHHHHHHHH" cuz it's a lot of pressure on my belly, ha. (He's doing it right now too) Hmm, what else. The bathroom trips are still the same...I go all the time, and I hate leaving the house because (even though I pee right before I leave) I end up having to go to the bathroom. It's annoying when I'm shopping somewhere like at Michael's or if I'm at the mall. I just hate going out of my way or walking far in general. I get so tired & my feet hurt. Lol. God, I've become such a fattie. My fingers look all fat now, and my feet won't fit in my size shoes (size 7) when I try them on at stores. I'm just plain out fat. It makes me sad. I was trying on outfits at Forever 21 yesterday (for my baby shower outfit), and I swear I almost ripped up like 3 dresses. Ugh. But I ended up finding something I liked so that's a good thing. I can't believe the shower (here in Lomita) is a little over a week away! I have much to do. I've already picked out some decorations, games, what to do for the giveaways, etc. I'm glad I have this to keep me distracted from all the bad events happening this week. It's stressful yet relieving to have something to look forward to. It'll be fun.
I wanted to show you guys what I have so far of my weekly belly update. I take a picture of my big fat belly every week ever since 13 weeks (well I sorta missed week 14 and 15, but that's okay). It's crazy though, seeing how HUGE I've gotten. Of course, there shall be more added. I got a couple months left to go! And please, don't mind my stretchmarks. Gross. I try using the Cocoa Butter..it was SOMEHOW working. I guess. Idk.
Anyways, gotta head to bed. I have my 3 hour glucose (GTT) to go to tomorrow (not fun) & I just want to get it over with already. I'm already fasting for the rest of the night & I'm really cranky because I wanted to eat some oreos. G'night.
PS: Thanks to everyone again for the support. We love you all.
I know I've been sounding pretty bitter the past couple of days. I can't help myself. When something goes bad, I start accumulating all these negative thoughts into my brain. Then when something annoys me, everything else after that annoys me. And I get so emotional & angry that I even give Mark attitude (although nothing is really his fault), and I feel bad afterwards. It's just been SO rough; I can't help but feel so emotional. This sickness is really not a great combination with my pregnancy. I'm trying my hardest to get better for the sake of myself and the baby. I don't want to feel this stressed for Dylan's sake; I feel so guilty. It's really frustrating when I feel like shit, mentally and physically.
Mark came home last night feeling really pissed off because some dumb bitch was stupid enough to be insensitive to the whole situation. She didn't take his story seriously, laughing about it, telling him, "Stop with those lyrics & quotes on your away messages, jeez." The quotes that Mark puts on his away messages are what gives him motivation & hope. Since everything happened, all Mark can do is listen to songs that he can relate to so he can build his strength back up. It hurts me every time I look at him and see the pain in his eyes (and I'm not trying to sound corny; you can really see it). He felt really offended because she kept laughing at him telling him (with sarcasm), "Aw, poor Mark. Calm down." And in all honesty, if I was the one talking to this girl, I would've said a lot of things to hurt her feelings; you just don't ACT THIS STUPID to someone who's really experiencing a hard time. But I kept telling him, "Don't worry; she doesn't know us, she doesn't know you. You don't have to care if she thinks this is a whole big joke or not. She doesn't matter. Our close friends, our good friends, and family are the ones who matter. They're the ones showing their support. They're the ones who know what we go through. They're the ones who see it, who talk to us, who understand us. She doesn't know our life like how everyone else does." But knowing Mark, if something pisses the guy off, he'll ramble on and on about it. Later on that night, this dumb girl ended up apologizing to him. Good. Because if she kept being stupid, I would've said something to her. I don't tolerate stupid shit being said or acted upon my boyfriend. We've had enough these past couple of days.
We're both really sick, and we ran out of juice yesterday so we decided to go to Albertson's late last night. Mark is so sick that I had to drive. When we got to Albertson's, I just felt this whole rush of sadness. Shopping for groceries never felt so shitty. I may sound like I'm overexaggerrating, but really, buying groceries never felt so horrible. I was looking down at my checks actually realizing how much I'm going to need these from now on. I didn't even pick the checks up for the past couple of months because we never needed them so much. Now here we are, carefully watching what we're buying. It's ridiculous, guys. I felt like I was dreaming. Then the question kept popping in my head, "WHY GOD. WHY US." After we got home, Mark's mom was too sick to cook (I wouldn't blame her; I already feel guilty that she had to repeatedly cook soup for me these past few days & she ended up getting sick herself) and Mark was starving so I drove him to Jack in the Box. "Your total is $14.90." "$14?!" Mark said. Fast food sucks. When did we ever feel this fucking guilty over buying some stupid fucking fast food. And I'm pretty sure some of you are reading this thinking that we sound so pathetic, but if only you understood how hard Mark worked to make our lives opposite of what it used to be...for us to live a good, happy, worry-free life..suddenly to have it all crash down. Now we're back at the starting line, and it's a constant slap in our faces. Reality. Normal life. WHAT IS A NORMAL LIFE?! Some people gotta hustle to get what you need; sometimes you have to sacrifice everything to make ends meet for your family...and Mark did all of it and more. Gosh, even as I'm typing this, I feel like my heart's sinking. This is just so hard.
Last night my sister & her boyfriend got into a car accident. Their car was totaled. Some dumb fuck ran a red light and hit their car. He didn't even know what happened, and if it was me in my sister's position, I would've gone crazy on that fucker. I called my sister to see if she was okay; they were just leaving the urgent care section because they weren't even open yet. They're feeling sore, she said. I feel so bad. She just got that car a year ago, and if the mechanics are gonna try fixing it, either way it's not gonna drive the same. Sigh. Everything would be going wrong this week.
And even through all these hard times, Mark still doesn't give up trying to make me happy. He got me (and Leslie) our tickets to the No Doubt/Paramore concert in August, and it just amazes me how god damn unselfish he is. I hate seeing my boyfriend suffer. You guys don't even know. I didn't even know men like him existed on this earth 'til I met him. How can someone put so much effort into making others happy, as much as he does? How is it that he can remain so strong through such a difficult time? Mark is the most selfless person I know; I have never met anyone else in my life who doesn't think about himself as much as he does of others. I can't even express enough of what I feel. He deserves the world. Honestly. I love you babe, with all of me and more. We'll make it through together..me, you, & our son.
...like shit. This is probably the only week you'll ever see so much cussing in my blogs.
After Thursday, I got really sick. So sick that I can't breathe, I can't taste anything, I can't smell anything, my throat hurts, my head's spinning. I can't sleep because of the fact that I can't breathe, and I try breathing through my mouth but it always gives me a sore throat. I try switching positions, but nothing seems to work. I think I've used up about 5 tissues boxes in the past 3 days, and I still can't breathe; it hasn't even gotten the slightest bit better. I drink 10 bottles of water a day; I pee every 10-20 minutes. I can't take just "any" medications due to the fact that I'm pregnant, but I take one Tylenol morning & night (not even the whole dose, just half the dose). So as an alternative I'm living off Ricola cough drops. I'm depending on my constant nose blowing (my nose burns; I'm so red!) & water drinking to get rid of the sickness. Mark's mom made me some rice soup (lugao, in familiar terms, for all you Filipinos) because it's all I can get down my throat (she makes it BOMB though). And because of the beautiful wonders of pregnancy, I suffer from back pain. I'm so sick that I couldn't go to my 2pm tour at Little Company of Mary Hospital today. That's where I plan to give birth. I also couldn't go with Mark to his bball game tonight because I can barely move. I'm even surprised I haven't taken a break to just lie down while I'm typing this blog. Sigh. Mark was sick first, then I got sick, then his aunt got sick yesterday, and now his mom is sick today. Wonderful. Happy looks at all of us while we're coughing our lives away and probably thinks we're all crazy.
Stressed out of my mind. After my last blog, things haven't been the same. I've been really down (I know not many of you know what the situation "is", but that's because I can't really post it in public; I can only post and describe my anger towards it). Although I hate talking about what happened, if you're so damn curious, I'll tell you, but privately. Anyways, I've been a wreck. We have those times where we're laughing and talking away as if nothing happened, but there are times where I just sit & think about how FUCKED OVER I feel (for us both). I'm constantly asking myself, "WHY? WHY US?" and it tears me down. Thursday made my entire world go down the drain; my heart shattered in a million pieces. Every time I come to realize what had happened that day, it's like this huge reality check. I get so sad. I feel so crushed, so betrayed, so disrespected (for the both of us, that is). Sometimes I feel that people pity us too much; others times I just don't want anyone's help because we are not the type of people to depend on others whatsoever. Regardless of all the anger & pain I feel inside, I try to remain positive at the same time. I try to look forward to whatever comes in the future; whatever opportunities come to us in the future. Of course, I have a baby boy arriving in 3 months, and he's always my main focus. I'm trying to look forward to the baby showers; I want be feel happy. Like I told myself from the beginning, "I know God will not give me anything I can't handle." I will be strong.
Please don't ever assume that I don't appreciate everyone's support; I do. I'm very glad to have family support, especially Mark's family. It's just a frustrating, stressful time, and there's just so much negativity built up inside because of the repetitive "What are you gonna do" questions that are constantly rubbed in our faces. Please understand. Give us space. Most people we know have never been in this position so don't even bother. To those who actually take the time to understand and listen to the situation, thank you so much. To those who may hear about what happened in the future and you end up saying to yourself, "they had it coming..i knew it" well a huge FUCK YOU to you; I despise insensitive, completely pessimistic people who pretend to befriend me.
Sorry Baby Dylan. Mommy's angry.
Oh btw, most invitations for Palmdale are going to be sent out tomorrow. So expect them this week. Ps: I hate my neighbor and I mean HATE.
23. Mommy to 2 beautiful children: Dylan & Aubrey. My boyfriend Mark is my backbone. I love my family. I love to take pictures, record videos, and blog because I love keeping memories. This is my life now! Mommy life!
t so funny how everyone's obsessed with it because it's just us writing our every detail of what we do in life, but I mean, it's not like I have anything better to freakin' do anyways. I'm pregnant & stuck at home all day. I enjoy writing my thoughts in my blog so I might as well write it on my Twitter because at least I have the right to do so (because I know when you're on Myspace & Facebook, seeing someone's status change every 20 minutes or seeing bulletins constantly posted by the same person can annoy you). So follow me on Twitter & I'll follow you back, that's if you've given in to the fad as well. http://twitter.com/caleealdaya
