21st birthday. 3 year anniversary.

It's my birthday. It's also mine & Mark's 3 year anniversary. I can't really say I was extremely happy from the second my day started, but it ended better than expected. I didn't do much at all because I didn't want to celebrate my birthday, but having Jeanillie & Joe come down in the evening cheered me up a lot & I'm glad to have spent it with them. It felt nice knowing they were willing to come down for me. We (me, Mark, Jeanillie, Joe, & AJ) had Albertacos for dinner because Gf knows how we've all been craving those California burritos /carne asada fries for a while now. Then we got Yogurtland for dessert. I honestly would pick Yogurtland over Pinkberry any day because I know Pinkberry rips me off like nasty. Anyways, my day started off really crappy. First off, I slept downstairs on the sofa last night because there was just too much drama going on between Mark & I. Then more arguing in the morning. It's just too much for me to handle today especially after thinking that it's my birthday, it's my 3 year anniversary, I'm pregnant, and I wished that for once (since Feb 26) I could just feel relaxed and happy, especially for the sake of my baby. But nope. I've found myself crying every single day for the past week, and at the end of every night I cry to Dylan & I tell him how sorry I am & that mommy's trying to be strong. I know I sound so negative & that it may seem like I'm overstressing myself, but it's so hard to control. I wish I could listen to everyone who's telling me to calm down, relax, have a good birthday, stop thinking about your problems, etc. etc. I just can't. There's just so much I can handle. Throughout the day I received many phone calls & texts greeting me with "Happy Birthday." Sigh. I spoke to my dad & he kept saying, "Anak, wake up, it's your day!" and I just couldn't help but cry. It is my day, but I didn't even feel one bit happy about it.

Anywho, this morning I had an appointment with my OBGYN (every 2 weeks), and she took a culture just to check for any bacteria (sounds gross, but that's a normal check up procedure in the 3rd trimester). Then we listened to his heart beat like we always do. Perfect (: And the measurement of my belly came out to 33 weeks as it should be. So like always, my baby is growing just fine. The only thing is that I lost 1 pound because I've been sick for over a month. First that cold then that unbearable coughing. Gosh. I hope I never go through that cough ever again. At least next time I get sick, I'll be able to take meds. After my appointment, I came home, ate some of my mom's home made spaghetti (SO GOOD), and then took my mom to get her taxes done in Carson. I could've had my dad do it since he's a CPA (and he did my taxes), but my mom refuses, ha. Oh well.

In the end, I'm glad I have my baby growing inside of me. He's what I look forward to everyday. I love feeling his kicks & him rolling around every hour. But today Dylan was killing me! My right ribs hurt soooo bad. It just feels so swollen & painful. He's taking up all the room & my organs are running out of space, I swear. Just another reality check that he'll be here sooner than we know it.

3 years already. I can't believe that it's been only 3 years that we were dancing in that den room at our old Woodland Hills house with 18 roses in my hand & you asking me to be your girlfriend. Times flies, but I feel like it was so long ago because we've been through so much together. Living together for practically 3 years; it's like we're married. I love how even after so long and after having spent so much time together, we never run out of things to say; we can still talk to each other about anything & everything because we know that only we can understand each other the most--we don't get bored or tired of each other's company. When we argue, it's just so hard to stay mad at you for long. You always find a way to talk to me or make me laugh anyways. You're my best friend. I've learned a lot from you, and I still continue to learn. We've been through rocky roads & hardships together, but I know this pregnancy has brought us a lot closer. We're having a baby! And I'm glad to share it with you & no one else. I can't imagine being with anyone else. Dylan has an amazing dad, and I can't wait for him to grow with you because you're going to be the best role model. And although we're really having a rough time (not with our relationship, but with all those other issues), you know you'll always have me. You know I hate seeing you feel this down & that's why I'm here for you for anything & everything you need. I could never leave you or do you wrong, no matter what obstacles we face. My future is always going to be with you, and I look forward to it every day. I love you, babe. Forever & ever.

Time to rest. It's been a long day. Thanks to Gf & Joe for coming down again--made my day a whole lot better <3 And thanks to everyone for the birthday greetings (through phone calls, texts, facebook, myspace, twitter, etc.) It's all very much appreciated.